Life
Why Didn’t You Tell Me?
sometimes people do not open up because they do not know who is safe to trust…
And that is why for me, to hold onto a believe is very important than being religiously inclined.
I am more convinced that people who are happy and have most in life can be experiencing a crisis nobody knows. And some of their crisis lead to suicides.
These people don’t share anything with anyone. When suicide occur, everyone gets a shock.
It’s unexpected, says everybody.
It happen to those with small social circle. It also happen to those with large social connections. Basically, it happen to anybody.
Maybe it is just a matter we least expect it.
Well, perhaps my contact list is long. Often, I have less than a finger to count on for help throughout my life.
And that is why for me, to hold onto a believe is more important than being religiously inclined.
Recently…
…an executive chef in the restaurant talked to me. I wasn’t the Lissa his team knew me for most of the day.
After a brief sharing, he asked me a good question.
“Why didn’t you approach me and tell me? Yes, just tell me, vent it out to me. I’ll listen,” Executive Chef.
I was quiet for a second before I could answer.
“Yeah, why huh?” asked my inner child/voice Maria.
I spent a few days thinking. What makes a person quieter despite the joy, laughter, smiles, and perhaps even the sarcastic jokes being together?
It can be disappointing when we feel that someone loves us as we are without doubt, yet the someone will not open up to us…
Am I right?
And this is why I am writing down some reasons people do not share their life experiences, past or present.
Maybe some of you will resonate with them. Maybe some of you will understand better for not being approached just for a listening ear.
Here we go…
People do not want to hear our life problems to void feeling heavy.
We do not know if our problem is too much for others to take.
There are plenty of people who will run away from those who have snowball of problems.
Sometimes they equate or label our problems, issues, or life crisis as a drama.
We may feel criticised for that label.
Most of our friends or colleagues do not want to have problems.
They do not want to hear problems.
They want fun moments. Thus, they rather keep a distance from others who have problems.
We need to remember there are people who are glad those problems happen not in their lives.
And that makes a person whose plate is fully overwhelming, keep to him/herself. Sometimes we do so to refrain from being kept a distance by others.
Some of our friends/colleagues are superstitious that another’s problem can give bad luck to them. It’s not a pleasant feeling when we are avoided like we have a spreadable disease.
Well, we may say everyone has problems. However, we do not know who is able to cope with listening to our struggles.
We do not know if our problem is too much for others to take.
People are afraid that others may use their struggles against them.
Because at the end of the day, your colleagues are going to use your personal problems as the root cause of anything negative that happens at work. Like a sabotage.
Maybe because anywhere, we work, there will always be the politics.
We do not know who genuinely cares and who take us for granted. We do not know who pretends and who truly loves as a human being. Because at work, we are supposed to work.
- Work
- Bring in the business
- Make profit and Return on investment
If you really want to know who cares and matters, you have to bring it outside of your workplace. It’s good to have friends who are not in the same workplace as you.
As the saying goes, we do not bring personal problems to work.
Because at the end of the day, your colleagues are going to use your personal problems as the root cause of anything negative that happens at work. Like a sabotage.
To be able to have 1-colleague who really takes you a level of a friend or buddy is very rare.
As for the rest, it is a gamble of trust. And there is no way we can avoid hurt, pain, or disappointment.
At the restaurant, the Executive Chef said to me that it’s always reminded we aren’t supposed to bring personal issues to work. However, he doesn’t entirely belief that works well.
Because not everyone is very strong to keep personal life crisis away from work.
People do not know if anyone has time for each other.
Perhaps if someone does not open up to you to share, it is also because you may be closer to someone else, he/she doesn’t trust or doesn’t want the problem to be known.
Chef life is busy like a bumble bee. Whenever I look at the executive chef of the restaurant, I can literally tell myself at what time he will be doing xxx, yyy, and zzz.
His only time is more likely his off days. With busy lifestyle in the kitchen, I guarantee that you will not want anyone at work to disturb your rest day.
And it surprises me till now that it is okay for me to approach him for anything. Because all the while he is busy around the clock, I think that his only free time will be his non-working days.
I know he speaks to everyone, but to certain people, he speaks at another different level.
Perhaps if someone does not open up to you to share, it is also because you may be closer to someone else, he/she doesn’t trust and doesn’t want the problem to be known.
And you may blurt or spread the discussion around which in the first place, isn’t what the person facing challenges want from you.
People do not know if they are part of the social tribe.
Like Chef Anthony Bourdain said, in the middle of the night if he had to call onto someone for help, he would not be calling a writer. He would be calling one of the chefs in his team.
Because working long shifts, they build rapport. Like it or not, Chefs have to learn to care for one another.
When I was working as a prison warden in my 20s, we were taught to learn and read others. Sometimes we did it through observing the dynamics.
Here in the restaurant, the dynamic of people is obvious.
- The service sits with service.
- The chefs are with the chefs.
Probably the restaurant just kicked off a year ago. People need to build bons among their units first.
Maybe down the road, situation may change. People will try to start sitting around without obvious roles between sections, units, or departments.
As a part time stewardess, I’m a middle of both sides. I do not specifically belong to either one sides even though my direct boss is the GM.
My role belongs to the whole restaurant. That’s why I said to be a Stewardess and a Housekeeper, one needs to have a very big heart. You serve everyone. Anytime.
Whenever any Chefs need help, they may ask me for help. Whenever the service side need a helping hand, I may respond too.
My role covers mainly back support. Most of my days have always been in the kitchen or private room. Thus, my bond has been with the chefs more.
When crisis happen in my life, I neither look to the Chefs or Service unit.
I don’t rely on the housekeeping and steward team too. Because among the team members, I know the line of trust is thin like a strand of hair.
It will be nicer to tell myself that I’m a custodian of the old chapel. As long as I am still reporting to work, I am serving my Lord. So, I go back to my Lord.
As a closing…
We know that people do not share their crisis when they are going through them because of past bad experiences.
Perhaps in the past, the bestie we once trusted at work was the one who slained us from behind.
That’s why nowadays, when we need a friend we look for them outside our working circles.
To have one, two, or a few genuine one who cares, love, and protect us at workplace is rare.
As for me, I treasure the executive chef and my GM like my own blood ties. I appreciate the team of chefs a lot. I love the presence of some service staff but my personal issues aren’t suitable for them to hear.
And I definitely appreciate those of you who have been with me here since our beginning.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I can’t name everyone. And some stopped writing totally. Wherever you are, I hope you’re well and safe.
XoXo,
Lissa ♥️
Alberto García 🚀🚀🚀 *EHugs*
