Spencer Isn’t The Same Person Anymore Just Like Me
and he regret nothing out of it…whereas my journey shaped my mindset differently
Disclaimer: Names* concealed to other different names, either a case of fiction or a 3rd person identity, or both.
I had known Spencer as someone who had always been bestowed with unlimited grace upon grace. An example would be through people he met— directors, scholars, spiritual leaders, big dignitaries, and so on.
Pure luck, maybe some of you might say.
From his life journey, Spencer and I shared the same sentiments. We both let go a lot of matters in our lives to see what we became today — not directors, GMs, RMs, or board of management.
And for sure, we are no longer who we used to be.
And this reality came upon us when Spencer shared with me about his recent job interview. We sat at a cafe for dinner and our minds drifted far reflecting the damage we walked into. Or perhaps, the hidden potential we never knew we could be.
Let’s read this story of Spencer, my Eurasian confidante…and some of the story being mine.
“Oh, xxx restaurant!” — Director of F&B, Francesco*
Unplanned. Spencer’s potential was crafted on the F&B track since the day he was a caregiver to his grandpa.
We tried to lift up our griefs saying his grandpa and my dad had moved to another planet because God pitied them having to put up with the monstrous women at home.
He was routed to meet Francesco recently when I waited for him to have dinner. Both of us, unemployed.
Continuing with his interview session….
“So, uhm…that restaurant is under Benedicto, right?” Francesco asked.
He made it clear of his part time role as a steward. I was no different than his role. Spencer wrote briefly in the hotel’s application letter with space constraint…
…sweeping leaves and picking up litters around the restaurant’s premises…washing pots and pans, throwing huge thrash into garbage bins…
“…and I helped in the pre-opening for the dining hall…” he mentioned.
I would have included picking up cigarette buds littered by the restaurant staffs too other than what Spencer wrote. It happened at the beginning I joined the restaurant not until there were some items used as ashtray. Spencer laughed at me when I mentioned that casually as I said to him.
“Oh, front of house duties too….?” Francesco confirmed.
When Spencer shared this story, he felt a moment of St. Padre Pio there — Well, his feelings bilocated between the interview and those dark days in the restaurant he worked.
I welled up in tears. I felt transported to those days too. Spencer felt all the memories again. He changed a lot. He drank. He wasn’t a person who would touch alcoholic stuffs.
“Would you go back to XXX restaurant if you were given a chance to work there again?” Francesco asked.
It didn’t take Spencer very long to answer him.
“No. I would not. Because if I did not leave that place, I would not be a bartender today”.
Francesco was surprised at the firm ‘No’.
“Well, I met ex-staffs asking me what I am doing now. The ex-staffs were elated that I am now a bartender. They said if I had stayed, I would not even see myself a bartender today. And I think they were right….” Spencer said.
Spencer shared that the director of F&B smiled and nodded. He must had seen a different perspective from Spencer’s answer.
“There was a plan to move me into service. But what else aside the common norm of pre-setting, closing, serving, clearing, re-setting?” Spencer said seriously.
Francesco listened …
“Another Ops Manager of an international hotel said to me that sometimes we just have to move out from one place and go to another different place in order for us to discover ourselves more. That is true. I wouldn’t discover myself as a bartender today if I did not leave XXX restaurant…” Spencer shared.
Whatever their conversation was subsequently, it came upon me that just like Spencer, I let go a lot in my life. Or rather, I gave up a lot. Sometimes, I gave up hope.
I took off my veils. I only wore it at mass or certain places necessary. I followed the Marian Way. I fasted Lent. I could have taken my life like Chef Anthony Bourdain, but the rosary helped.
Yes, Saint Padre Pio and St. Teresa of Lisieux intercession helped me a lot too.
As for Spencer, he became a gay. A very masculine gay whom I had seen numerous sexy ladies or models tried to steal his heart. I would only smile pitying the ladies because Spencer had a male partner. They both love each other.
And occasionally when I bumped into him, I was able to get his warm hug. He could stand there and let me hug him for 15 minutes without moving until I felt a lot better. He allowed me to cry in his arms.
I told him how I last became a bartender. I consumed cocktails as I made them too. I love chilled Malbec more than Merlot. Spencer and I agreed that life was consuming us inside out where nobody understood any better.
I said to him, “…I learned not only who I ain’t anymore. I learned that colleagues are just colleagues. I found no friend there even after I had left.”
Spencer loved the Spanish mass at another nearby church from where I attended mass. We rarely met, but when we did, unless it was life and death urgency, I cancelled all plans with anyone just to spend time together with him over coffee and pastry.
That journey itself already made me let go of everything not applicable or helping me for any better.
Pain and hurt turned me to alcohol and led me to my unexpected opportunity — being a bartender.
Walking out of XXX Restaurant, I also knew that I would not return as a worker due to the social dynamics. I felt the dark days there. I would only return as a guest, to dine, to judge their service level because I am no longer their employee.
That began our new year. 2025. Spencer didn’t regret an ounce of who he became today. I saw how my journey shaped my mindset and what I am today.
I decided not to be a pious person.
