Maybe when a person is close knitted in bond and rapport with parents, the nightmare began that the person would not be ready to see them leave. I am closer to my dad, who had lung cancer spread to the brain. He is my only defender, not my siblings or mom. My defenders had left the world one by one, Now I am left with my dad. I couldn't imagine how I would be when he is no longer around because counting on faith alone seemed insufficient. Hoping someone to come by and protect as well as defend me as a woman seemed like building a castle on a cloud.