Finding Ways To Tame An Inner Child Throws Tantrums At Night
Tossed and turned throughout the night, I could not get to sleep. I wished someone had been next to me. I thought that would be comforting, but not everyone experienced the same.
I regularly had to speak to my inner child since the beginning of the year. I named her Maria. Last night, I battled time comforting Maria till almost 3 am.
The good thing was being able to wake up for my morning prayers and read my litanies. However, the challenge was patience when I could feel my body still tired from the long night consoling Maria.
“Maria…we will pray and ask God to get someone good into our lives, okay. You will not be alone,” I said
She knocked on my heart a few times to ask about the future. Will she be alone? Will the house be empty when everyone is in their graves? Will it be dull at home? Will there be friends? Who will accompany her in years to come? Will she get bullied and abused in marriage? Will she be a divorcee? What if a marriage is not fated for her? Will she die a spinster?
Oh my….!
And the questions went non-stop last night. I could not blame the hot weather. I could not say I was under magic spells, although my family member had been spiritually disturbed. I could not eliminate caffeine as a root cause because I had Pepsi an hour before I slept. It was a wrong move. I drank it after a long time I had refrained from soda.
At 9 am, I woke up again, late to begin the daily routine of looking at the screen for long hours till late at night, scouting for opportunities. Today, I told Maria it would be an off day because she had not slept well last night.
So, how many of you had an inner child disturbing you like I experienced last night?
It was the inner chatter that did not want to stop. And the most dangerous part would be when she revisited the past.
I named my inner chatter the inner child, thus giving her the adored name I love for my future daughter — Maria a.k.a Meryem.
Maria is the young child inside me that bothers me a lot of time. Going 40 in no time, she asked me about marriage, husband, career, and the list could be exhaustive.
The conversations she brought up could be very energy-consuming. I wished I had the immediate solutions to satisfy it quickly. But, I remember poetry I read from Imam Busairi — Burdah.
When you entertained and gave into your inner child, she demanded more. Your inner chatter is that inner child who keeps pestering you for attention. Once you feed her a bottle of milk to satisfy her each time she got into tantrums, you would have to keep feeding her more and more milk in the future.
So, instead of allowing Maria to rant and break me down, I talked to Maria. Yes, my inner child. Consoling means no empty promises. You do not like others to treat you with empty promises, right? Well, your inner child would not like it, too.
“Okay, Maria. We shall keep up hope and let God knows. We want to have a character like A and a bit of B. By God’s Will, He will send us the person. Maybe the person is preparing his journey to meet us? The time will come, Maria….” I said.
I felt the fear, trauma, and every uncertainty that sent chills to the bones. My Maria wanted quick resolution and comfort. She wanted security and stability. Maria wanted to be in arms that do not abuse but protect her because she is an entrustment from God to the man in her life.
She wanted peace.
By that time, Maria recalled the numerous times she was left to defend herself alone. The World crushed on her in one 1-night.
“Maria, my dear. Listen. Remember Yana Bostongirl? What did she say? When your past wanted to visit you, tell it there is nothing new to say. Right? The past got nothing new to speak. Do not befriend it anymore, Maria…You are a good girl…Don’t listen to the past…We are no longer there,” I said.
It soothed me, and at the same time, my energy got drained. I yearned to sleep.
Maria tempted me to eat Pacofen and Anarex tablets. That could help to knock us off to sleep well. But, like I said, giving in to Maria all the time would make the situation disastrous for me.
“Maria…dear…do you know that eating medicine when you are not unwell is abusing yourself?… You are beautiful, Maria. You won’t hurt yourself, would you? Dr. Nandkishor Shingne will also say no to such a move. Remember, he said to rest and return with a big bang?…” I talked to my inner child again.
For a moment, I got composed.
I knew not long enough I might end up frustrated and annoyed for no reason except I was sleep-deprived. For a few weeks, my rest had been disturbed, and I woke up unable to feel the drive to focus.
“That’s it, Maria! What did Alberto García 🚀🚀🚀 advised, recently? Do not be negative in your thinking. Be careful of what comes to your mind! No buts! Come! Meditate. We shall sleep and wake up with a smile like Alberto!…” I felt the adrenalin gush of affirmative action.
I slept better, although it was just 3 hours before the dawn prayer.
When you speak to your inner child, you need to know her, by knowing yourself. Some people could attend to the inner child harshly. And their inner chatter abided.
Not for everyone. Sometimes, the quick harshness caused more issues like escalating anxiety, anger, or a rise in blood pressure.
Once you know your inner child, talk it out, convince it, do something to assure it further. I took it off with meditation, a lot of plain water, and cuddling with my bear. It worked.
But I do caution you, do not lie to your inner child. You hurt yourself most by doing so. Keep telling your inner child a different story of possibilities in life and hope. Give good news of great joy, hope, and faith. Sometimes, that would comfort you.
🐻 Good Night 🐻
A good read from Alberto García 🚀🚀🚀about the junks of negative thoughts which hurts us, just like how Maria got me slowly creeping with unwarranted worries.
Another good read from Dr Mehmet Yildiz about an example how he talked to himself. It is not crazy. But, we are no medical doctors. If you need health consultation, please do get help.
Thank you for reading this far.
Signed off at 2400 hours (midnight).
